Sunday, July 1, 2012

Binge Eating Journal


Again, today I ate fairly clean until bedtime. I had lots of chips with blue cheese, one reses peanut butter cup, 1/4 of a cream puff, some more chips in ranch, etc. I don't feel guilty and am not punishing myself. That is not the goal. That being said, I plan on starting tomorrow with some green juice and a smoothie for later.

But why eat raw foods to begin with?

1) Positive feelings. My lifelong depression fades on a raw food diet. This is the most important reason for me.

2) Beauty: I feel and look younger on a raw diet

3) Respect of Life: Animals are treated better on a raw or humane lacto ovo vegetarian diet.

4) Connection to surrounding "life source" (I know this sounds New Age. But it's just a feeling I get when I eat clean. Frankly I am sometimes exhausted from caring about people judging me for being "new age" for enjoying Garden of Eden foods that God told us to eat. Also, a life source must exist for life to exist).


Today I ate extremely clean up until bed time. This is a recurring theme for me. I tend to crave dairy products near bedtime. So I had a lot of cheese and a couple of eggs just now. That's not horrible and is actually quite typical for most Americans. Yet I want to believe the vegan diet is possible, doable and healthy. In some ways, I just tend to feel better eating some sort of animal products. In other ways, I feel worse (especially if there is animal cruelty involved). I take a great B12 supplement, but maybe I'm B12 deficient or something? I don't know. Regardless, I try to not feel guilty, as that doesn't help. I see all of these examples online of super healthy vegans, so I know it's possible. I guess I would just like to not feel the need for delicious, grass fed dairy. Also, my main goal is "raw until dinner", which I've been able to keep so far for the most part.


Tonight I was working at a group home. I came here with a salad and salad dressing to prepare. Yet once I got here, the other foods were too enticing. I ended up eating some sweet cereal with factory pasteurized milk. I also ate cheese, spaghetti sauce and cheezit crackers. Here are some post binge thoughts that I want to follow for next time:

1) Don't show up on an empty stomach. I should have committed to eating lots of bananas or a couple of avocados before eating anything else. Then at least my stomach would have been full and I would have been less likely to binge on processed crap.

2) Don't bring a salad if a salad doesn't sound good. I probably should have brought some soup or something that I would have been more likely to enjoy. Often at night raw food doesn't interest me as much as something warm and cooked.

3) Drink lots of water. I could have also filled up on water.

4) Forgive yourself. When people don't forgive themselves it only makes things worse.


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